Getting rid of “I Can’t”

We all have them…the times we feel so stressed we start to think “I can’t…”

I can’t do this.  I can’t be a good parent AND a teacher.  I’m either one or the other, but never both at the same time.  I can’t fight anymore (though I often don’t know what exactly I’m fighting). I can’t make time for me.  There is no time.  I can’t ask for help. I have to do this on my own. I can’t save money. Something else always comes up that I have to pay.  I can’t date again.  People can’t be trusted to keep their word.  I can’t work out. There’s no time for that.  I can’t…I can’t…I can’t…

I’ve had all of these thoughts and more.  Every. Single. One.  And you know what?  These thoughts have exacerbated my stress.

My dad used to say, “Get rid of ‘I can’t.'”  He comes from the old-school where a man is as good as his word.  Well…if my word is “I can’t,” what does that make me?  It’s taking a lot of years (present tense because I’m still working on this), and counseling, and finding my people, and taking risks to found out that I can.

I can be a good parent and a good teacher–my daugher and students are evidence of this.  I can take life a day (and sometimes a minute) at a time and face what comes my way.  I can ask for help (and people are glad to do it on occasion) and I can take classes to learn more about the things that frustrate me so that they become more managable.  I can live on a budget where my daughet and I find pleasure in the simple things.  I can date again (and find that there is a man who keeps his word and cares for his kids and others around him as much as I do).  I can make time to be healthy with my daughter (by walking to the park…swimming when I can…doing dance workouts with her).  I can make time to do the things I enjoy…like crafting…making necklaces… painting… quilting… cooking… yoga.

When I change my mantra from “I can’t” to “I can,” and I accept that it’s not all going to happen RIGHT NOW…life becomes easier and more enjoyable.  I can breathe…and find joy in that breath.  I can appreciate the world around me.  And, most of all, I can find peace and balance in my life…even in the stressful times.

 

Balancing my life….one day at a time.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find it VERY hard to find balance in my life (let alone my checkbook).  I tend to be hot or cold…all in…or all out.  Take yesterday for example.  It was a beautiful day where I could (and probably should) have been outside with my daughter enjoying the weather at a park, or in our courtyard, or at our apartment pool.  Instead, we spent much of the day watching movies (sometimes in separate rooms–her on the iPad and me on the T.V. or on my phone–but mostly together).

I can sit here and yell at myself all day for what I didn’t do: workout, cook a healthy lunch, play games, craft…the list is endless…it was an ALL OUT day.  OR…I can acknowledge that once is a while, it’s okay to take a day and rest.  We went to Mass.  We called the dads in our lives. We spent lots of time snuggling (as my child doesn’t understand the conccept of pesonal space). We ate stirfry and I did later watch her swim (until the cuts on my hand heal from cooking the day before–I’m keeping them out of the pool).  We read stories. We snuggled more.  I said “No” to the voices that told me I need to do more and be busy and get shit done. I said “No” to the voice that said my house was cluttered and needed to be cleaned, and the laundry needed to be washed RIGHT NOW.

I knew today would be busy with classwork.  Today, my daughter would be at daycare so I can continue to take classes and work on becoming a better teacher.  Today would be busy enough.  So yesterday was a gentle day–a “lazy” day.  And THAT’S OKAY!  We all need these once in a while.  And the next day, we pick up and keep moving.  Yesterday was all out.  Today, I’m ALL IN…finding the balance of this day.